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We have had many readers reach out to us about what we should do for friends or family members who are getting divorced. While this is a sensitive topic, we think it’s important to talk about it. Chances are, we will all have loved ones who have divorced at some point – so we wanted to share our thoughts on how we can support them during a really tough and difficult time.
Below, we’ve listed ten things to do for friends in the process of divorce or just finalized. While no suggestions will suit everyone, we hope the ideas below will help you be more considerate because you love your friend so much. Remember that your presence, ears and acceptance are the most important things you can give!
1. Confirm accordingly. It’s not always a case of saying “I’m sorry” when a friend tells you about a divorce. We don’t know if it’s a case of abuse, addiction, or something that really brings great relief. If you don’t know the personal details, say something like “This must be hard” or “I’m thinking of you because it must be so hard”.
2. Don’t ask “story”. People can get tired of having to tell “story” over and over again or being asked about it. So don’t ask if they’re not somewhere they want to share details. If you’ve already heard the details, it may be a relief for the other person to acknowledge it. This will probably help them avoid reworking difficult and hurtful details.
3. Keep including them. When we surveyed our viewers, the most common response we got was: Keep including your friend’s meals and activities. Even if these are normally “couples work”! The same goes for your friend’s children. Invite them on playdates or outings – being among friendly faces works wonders for adults and kids alike.
4. Build a food train. For a newly single parent, a food train can be hugely helpful—even just once a week, as she arranges—and a thoughtful gesture made by a group of friends or small group. Other thoughtful moves as you adjust to a new normal:
- A Favor or UberEats gift card so the family can choose what they want or order pre-made food from a favorite restaurant.
- Prepared lunches and dinners from Whole Foods via Amazon Prime.
- Spoonful of Comfort and Southern Baked Pies are an unexpected treat and the next best thing to homemade.
5. Be conscious about gifts. Divorce can be a great fit financially. Single parents will be blessed with thoughtful gifts like gift cards to purchase school supplies or sporting goods. Care packages and household needs would also be welcome. If you want to give something more thoughtful, a necklace with her and her children’s initials would be very thoughtful for a single mom. we love this necklace.
6. Be present. Offer to spend the first few nights he is alone at home without his wife and/or children, with a friend. Come back with coffee after you leave school in the morning. Take walks together.
7. Check them out. Face-to-face check-in is best, but if that’s not an option (perhaps you don’t live in the same city), check-in by phone and text is the next best thing. And if they reschedule your trips or avoid your calls, don’t give up! Keeping showing up to your friends during any major life change is the best thing you can do.
8. Remember them on birthdays and holidays. These first big holidays and events—birthdays, anniversaries, milestones—can be difficult to experience alone. Include them in your plans, buy a gift for your friend and even include their kids! Many of our readers said it was very important to them that their friends take their children to buy them a birthday or Christmas present.
9. Help the children. Even in a two-parent household, juggling is very real. Offer to take the kids to after-school activities or ride the car. If you’re running a errand and can pick up a few extra supplies or necessities for their kids, that would be greatly appreciated. And offer to watch the kids here and there for a few hours so they can do all sorts of errands or have some “me time”.
10. Don’t assume they’re good. Remember, even if you do everything we talked about, a big life change is happening and some days may be better than others. We know it might sound weird talking about someone, but keep asking them if they’re okay and if they need help with anything. Silence can often mean the opposite.
If you are divorced, please share below what helped you the most. And remember that there are many different ways to love and support someone – well beyond this list! But the ten things above are a great place to start.
lee
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